But these are also days when something has changed, especially in me. The episodes successes, the disappointments of the people I trusted, anger not being able to act like they are doing I want to grow even more. If there is a constant thought in my mind now is to start, make a one-way ticket and get away from it all. I'm not talking about a trip or a vacation momentarily to pull the plug. I'm talking about a radical change in my life. I need it on their own and build a future, as far away as possible from people in my family. I can not live with them, I no longer be observed and called for every little detail.
I need my space, my autonomy in the true sense of the word. Unlike my peers that often make the choice to study away from home, I preferred to stay with my own. And today I feel too "close" within these walls. Mind you, this does not mean they love you, but ... it just means that I have changed and new needs. Today I envy my friends who have made that choice instead, that when their annual holidays after a while 'can not wait to leave. Break away and start over, or perhaps we should say begin, we start this is what I want. I feel tied to a sister who is unable to understand me, who does not agree with my choices and actually seem to do anything to annoy me. But now is not the time to do this step, I can not leave in the middle what I'm building, I have not a degree, much less a paycheck to do what I want. There is still that umbilical cord that keeps me close to them, almost to suffocate. I would break it, because I've always been a free spirit and with every passing day more and more I feel this need to hold me in the chest. That's why I can not wait come on the day of my graduation, because if S. will still help me with him I can make that dream that is now stored in the drawer of which only two of us holds the key. Now lies there, sometimes I am reminded over and there fantastic with S. to what I'd be happy if that happens seriously, if with my skills riuscirò a superare quel concorso e a poter mettere un incipit per la mia nuova vita. Ogni tanto mi angoscio,piango e per fortuna ho lui che mi sostiene, mi dico che il tempo passa,che ho già 23 anni e che non ho combinato nulla finora, che ho sempre e solo studiato e che non ho nessun titolo che mi consenta di fare altro. Sto correndo, sto facendo in modo che i miei lenti giorni scorrano velocemente, ma in tanto posso solo stringere i denti e sopportare tutto ciò che ormai non riesco più a tollerare. Sto cercando quell’opportunità che mi costringa a dire alla mia famiglia che Carrie inizia la sua vita,di cui lei sia l’unica protagonista e artefice, e ogni giorno prego Dio perché quel sogno esca from that drawer and start to fly. 
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